tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17922479339463679482024-03-13T06:53:48.715-07:00Soul Spills OverNithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-26108449288959538082013-11-26T23:55:00.001-08:002013-11-26T23:55:15.398-08:00Defeating and Decoding Anxiety<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I am writing this in the earnest hope that the content of
this piece comes of use to those out there who have faced or continue to face
the onslaught of anxiety and related disorders. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People who suffer from anxiety do not have it easy. Anxiety
disorder may take many forms, from mild to severe in intensity . Anxiety
disorders plague an increasingly huge percentage of the world's population today
and take forms such as generalised anxiety disorder, specific phobias, obsessive
compulsive disorder and panic attacks. These manifestations sometimes severely
damage a person's ability to lead a normal life. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anxiety and its many forms debilitate in ways that can
cripple the sufferer and condemn him to a very restricted and confined
existence in more ways than one. In order to overcome anxiety, we need
to first understand how it works.... physiologically and physiologically. Then
we must understand our unique brand of anxiety - the unique way anxiety
manifests in each of us, including the triggers, the way our mind and body
react, signs and symptoms etc. Then we must formulate our strategy based on our
general understanding of anxiety and how it works. Lastly, we must implement
the strategy with will-power, persistence and commitment. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">How it
all began</span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anxiety is actually a healthy human instinct. It was
designed by nature to protect us from danger and threat to our lives....
conditions that existed when we were apes, living in caves and constantly
facing the threat of a wild animal attack or of an unexpected natural calamity.
These were conditions over which we didn't have control. What we mean by
anxiety is nothing but a set of signals that our brain, the amygdala to be more
precise, sends to our body when it senses danger of any sort. When these signalsare
received by the body, a set of physiological changes kick in, roughly referred
to as the 'fight or flight' response. Again, this response was designed to help
us fight the attacking wild animal, or flee from the place of danger. On
release of adrenalin, the heart starts to pump faster, getting ready to supply
more blood for the fight or the run; the lungs breathe in more air, our muscles
become tense and our digestion slows as blood is diverted away from the stomach
to the large muscles and the brain. All these responses were apt and necessary
in the ape age. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But things are different today. Anxiety has fast arisen as a
psychological and partly physiological condition needing treatment in many of
us today, sometimes unfortunately with medication. The reason is that the
anxiety response mechanism that was appropriate earlier is now experienced by
us today, in a day and age when there are no wild animals chasing us and we
have safe, secure homes protecting us from a storm or any such danger. Our
anxieties today arise from things unrelated to raw survival and have been
sublimated into anxieties of the workplace, of time deadlines and family
pressures. These trigger off our outdated anxiety response. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">What
makes it difficult</span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, this is not a simple problem. Since the
anxiety response of the brain is so deeply ingrained and is intertwined so
closely with our survival instinct, it is extremely difficult, if not
impossible, to shut it off at will. The switch on switch off mechanism of the
anxiety response is instinctive, and worse still, gets reinforced with habit.
So people suffering from anxiety disorders feel helpless and resort to
medication. But the problem with medication is that the body gets
addicted to artificial chemicals to keep calm and reverts to its anxious
behaviour soon after medication is discontinued. So, resorting to medication is
only a temporary relief, not a lasting cure for the problem. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have myself been through extremely anxious phases in my
life which triggered a temporary but debilitating anxiety disorder
characterised by panic attacks, food addictions and agoraphobia. I have known
people who have chronic anxiety too. Anxiety disorder manifests in each
sufferer very differently. Some people develop phobias of specific things, like
open spaces or closed spaces, of crowds, of darkness etc. Some others develop
obsessive habits like repeating a ritual many times before they leave their
homes. Some others resort to food as a comforting factor and become addicted to
sugars or carbohydrates. Some others have phobia of social situations, some
take to addictions. These are just coping strategies for intense fears
triggered deep within. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The path
to defeating Anxiety</span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 120.75pt;">
In an effort to find a medication-free
solution to this problem, I researched for many years and myself experimented
with many techniques. I was very heartened to discover for myself that there is
a way to reverse the inappropriate anxiety response pattern characterising
anxiety disorders. Without medication! It worked for me and has, as I have come
to understand now, helped countless anxiety sufferers out there in the world.
Simple techniques that are powerful and effective and when followed with
persistence and effort, can slowly and surely change the mechanism of anxiety
response in our minds and eventually our brain.<u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Given below are what I believe to be extremely effective
means to overcome and defeat our anxiety disorder ourselves!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Step 1 </u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Understand your anxiety response. Put them down in a diary.
What triggers your anxiety? How does it manifest? Do stressful situations at
work set off the anxiety response? Or is it certain specific situations or
interaction with certain people? Is it being in a certain kind of place - for example
crowded places, lifts, open spaces etc? What are the manifestations of your
anxiety - what are the physical sensations you feel? Does your heart race? Do
you feel the need to vomit? Do you feel faint? How about emotional
manifestations - do you feel vulnerable, sensitive and touchy? Do you feel like
avoiding crowds? Do you express your anxiety through nervous and fidgety body
behaviour? Do you feel easily suspicious? Do you feel a sense of impending
doom? Do you feel suicidal? Do you become obsessive? Do you stuff yourself with
food or go hungry for long periods? Do you have surreal experiences like
feeling detached from your body or a dream-like floating feeling? What fears do
you have about your body and your safety? Do you become hypochondriacal?
No matter what you feel , however weird or bizarre your symptoms may seem to
you, watch them and try your best to not judge! Accept it and understand that
you are a normal human being whose anxiety response has become a bit
hypersensitive... That's all! KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT! You can develop an
ability to understand your anxiety response better if you meditate, or at least
spend some time in silence just observing yourself. Some people take the help
of an external party like a friend or a counsellor to help them with this.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Step 2 </u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once you've identified how your anxiety manifests, you can
begin the work of reversing your mind's, and consequently your brain's,behavior
pattern. Take a notepad and note down how your anxiety is debilitating you and
how different you would want your life to be from what it is? For example if
you have agoraphobia or fear of open spaces, you may write 'My fear of open
spaces stops me from enjoying going out with my friends to the beach'. Follow
this up with a powerfully positive statement expressing your desire. For
example ' I would like to be able to go a pristine beach and lie down and enjoy
the vastness of the sky'. What this exercise does is shows you two points - the
point where you are at and the point where you want to be. It gives you a clear
goal and clear aim. What it also does is that it turns something currently
negative to something positive in the future. Like they say, darkness can be
removed only with light. Similarly negative forces can be nullified only by
positive ones. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 54.75pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Step 3 </u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Resolve to challenge
each of your anxious behaviour patterns one by one, slowly and surely. Remember
that while doing this, you need to keep you goals small and achievable
initially. And celebrate every time you succeed. For example, a person who
feels dizzy every time he has to take a flight has to first tell himself, “This
is just a symptom of inappropriate anxiety. This time, when I fly, I will
ignore the dizziness, and the moment I feel better, I will find one thing I can
do on the plane that gives me pleasure.' The pleasurable thing can be as simple
a thing as eating your favorite snack or solving a puzzle or playing a game on
your laptop or phone. If you are a person who gets a panic attack in crowded
places, say to yourself, “I am brave for facing my fear of crowded places.I am
not alone in my fears, and anxiety is something many people in the world are
familiar with. Instead of feeling defeated, I will smile and go on to have a
great day after my panic attack!”And when you manage to do this, celebrate by
telling yourself “I am a step closer to getting rid of my anxiety!”. When you
habituate your mind in small doses to what it fears, the hold of the fear
loosens. Also remember to motivate yourself with some reward for facing your
fears. But remember to take it slow and easy and do this in small steps. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>Step 4 </u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Learn healthy coping techniques. Your anxiety symptoms
are just inappropriate, ineffective coping mechanisms of your mind. Teach your
mind and body better ways to cope. Some effective techniques of coping with
symptoms of anxiety are listed below. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1. Diversion .... Use
powerful diversion techniques to draw your mind away from anxiety. A compelling
game, a movie, talking to a friend, shopping, and so on. Identify what
distracts you most effectively when you are panicking or are anxious and use
that technique. Remember that the technique should be one that draws you FULLY
into it and COMPLETELY distracts your mind. Half hearted distractions will not
do the trick. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2. Exercise .... Exercise is a great way to tackle anxiety
both physically and mentally. Physically, it uses up the excess adrenalin
produced and releases muscle tension. Mentally, during exercise, the brain
releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine and endorphins that remove pain and
give you feelings of pleasure - a very welcome change from the nerves of an
anxiety attack. You could also take dancing lessons and dance away your
anxiety! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. Music.... Singing, playing an instrument or even
listening to your favorite music can be a powerfully effective anti-anxiety
technique. Sincewe become self involved and inward-looking during an anxiety
spell, music helps you engage with something outside of yourself. While singing
or listening to familiar favorite songs, one is drawn into the music and away
from anxiety. Familiar songs also trigger happy memories which in turn release
feel-good hormones. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4. People .... Having people around, family, friends, even
close colleagues or any group of people you like and trust, has an ability to
make you feel secure and protected, even if it is not a conscious feeling. To
take an analogy from the animal world, it is what a cub or a baby elephant
feels when it is with its pride or herd. Since we feel vulnerable and
unprotected like babies, when we are anxious, being around people instills a
feeling of comfort and security. Of course, sometimes it can feel
claustrophobic to be around people when one is having a panicor an anxiety
attack. Nevertheless, as a general rule, try to develop a circle of people who
know your problem and who you can trust - people who know you enough to give
you the space you need while still providing comfort and security from a
distance. In the long term, the security of loving people goes a long way in
reducing the anxiety response. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
5. Healthy food.... Treat your body to a sumptuous and a
healthy meal with lots of fruits, vegetables, proteins and the appropriate
amount of fats and carbohydrates. Drink copious amounts of water. Don't go
hungry for long periods, since some physiological conditions like hypoglycemia
and dehydration worsen feelings of anxiety. Hormonal imbalances can also give
you anxious feelings. So keep your health in check and make sure you get
treated in case you have any physiological factor exacerbating your anxiety
condition. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
6. Meditation.... Meditation is an excellent way to
both still and calm your mind and body and also do some powerful observing and
introspection at the same time. It might be difficult to meditate at the same
time you're having an anxiety or panic attack, in which case, you can allow the
panic to settle using one of the other techniques listed above and then sit to
meditate. The insights you will learn about yourself in a meditative state will
go a long way in understanding your anxiety intelligently, tackling it and
finally defeating it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Never
Forget!</span></u></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While following the
above steps towards recovery from anxiety disorders, keep the following in mind
always! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. Anxiety disorder in most cases is not a disease... It is
just a hypersensitive survival instinct manifesting as a psychological and
physiological response. Repeating anxious behavior becomes a habit of your
brain and mind.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2. Panic attacks and
anxiety bouts, however intense they may feel, cannot harm you or kill you! They
are just natural defence mechanisms of the mind which have been reset to a
lower than average threshold levels. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3. Anxiety cannot really be cured with medication.
Medication may only temporarily control the chemical imbalance in the brain
resulting from anxious behavior. True recovery can happen only with the
person's desire, will and persistence. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4. Anxiety disorder CAN be reversed with conscious, powerful
behavioural change. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
5. Even though reversing the anxiety response of the mind
and brain takes time and persistence, such an effort is richly rewarded with an
almost complete, and in many cases permanent, freedom from anxiety disorder. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
6. Behaviour patterns and thoughts that feed anxiety make it
more deeply entrenched. Overindulging anxiety by over-analysing and over-researching
your condition can derail or slow down your recovery.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>7. Anything negative
can be removed only something powerfully positive. Anxiety disorder can be
corrected only with the positive forces of hope, laughter, happiness, love,
acceptance and inspiration. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I have said above has proved very effective in tackling
and even reversing anxiety for myself and also, as I have discovered, for countless
others. These are people who have, in one way or the other, knowingly or
unknowingly, used the above techniques to tackle and defeat their anxiety
condition. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do not consider your fight against anxiety a dreary journey
but rather <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a>a journey towards a fuller and a happier life!
Good luck!</div>
</div>
Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-64627560713607253522013-11-26T23:53:00.002-08:002013-11-26T23:53:41.353-08:00Chipping Away (Appeared in the October 2013 issue of 'Life Positive' , a wellness magazine)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We've all heard of the tortoise and
hare story and so did I when I was a kid. While it is not possible for such a
story to have a particularly profound impact on a 5 yr old, it is still a story
among those that none of us can forget. It is now almost decades later and now
the powerful wisdom behind this story is beginning to unravel itself to me. <br />
<br />
I was quite lazy as a kid. Never liked school, hated homework, loved to
play and had loads of friends. I always studied for my exams just days before
and managed a decent percentage, that's all. Never had a fascination for ranks
and grades. My report card every year had the same comment... 'intelligent but
disorganised. Needs to learn to be consistent and work hard'. I could never
relate to students who could put in disciplined work every single day just to
make that 1st rank or to top a particular subject. My days seemed blissful when
I kept myself innured from tension, worry and the hard work that achievement
required.<br />
<br />
It was not until years later that a sudden sadness started to creep in. I
couldn't explain it. It would hit me every morning in the wee hours and would
either keep me awake or spoil the quality of my sleep. The reason I would tell
myself was something mundane like the stress of a meeting coming up or fear
that my boss would yell at something. But over time I began to realise it might
be to do with something specific and something deep. The sadness and heaviness,
I came to realise , had a lot more to it. One of the facets of the
sadness I came to understand, was a lurking feeling of guilt along with a
feeling of envy at others who managed to achieve things I knew I was capable of
but didn't care enough to strive towards in my younger years.<br />
<br />
Guilt is a devilish thing you know, especially if it concerns something
you've done to yourself. It eats away like acid , burning and devouring all
that feels good. Over time, it pervades everything inside and turns like
undigested food into a feeling of queasiness, unease and anxiety. It
simultaneously turns outward becoming jealousy, anger, unhealthy
introvertedness. worst of all, to protect our ego and falling self
concept, we create within ourselves, an illusion of ourselves as perfect human
beings and take it upon ourselves to judge and belittle others and trivialize
success and achievements of people we envy inside. I am thankful that I caught
myself well before things deteriorated so much but it is important to know how
bad things can get.<br />
<br />
The moment of realisation came to me thanks to a simple incident that
happened years ago. Music was a part of my life from my age of five. It runs in
my family and I was spotted quite young by my school as a child who had talent.
My parents and my school gave me immense encouragement. I won many prizes and
scholarships through my early years. But as with studies and most other things
at that time, the same lackadaisical attitude pervaded music too.I would sit
for riyaz very reluctantly and after much coercing by my mother. While I never
ever abandoned music learning, there were long periods of disconnect with my
classes. I would be put off for months before I could muster up the will to
resume. Since, music, as I have come to believe, is so deeply entrenched
in me, I couldn't ever abandon it fully, and I thank providence for that.
Anyway, years passed and I kept chugging along with my classes and concerts and
competitions but never really achieving what I could've by that age. I would
always look at achievements as huge mountains to climb and somehow all that
seemed too much of an effort. I felt I didn't have it in me to climb that high
or that steep. I felt defeated far before even trying.<br />
<br />
A turning point came when I moved cities after marriage. I had the good
fortune of meeting my guru. It was one of those classes to which I had gone in
with the same reluctance to learn. Within minutes of starting the session, I
got talking heart to heart with her. I knew i couldn't disguise my mood for too
long. During the course of the conversation my guru began to understand that I
had not given music what I ought to have and I was far from where I could be.
After the class, I went back home and continued with my day's routine. Not long
after, I received a message from my guru, a message that was to change my life.
It said '<b><i>Nithya, remember this, if you don't do what you have to do with
your music, there will be a day when you will feel a sharp dagger in your heart</i></b>!'<br />
<br />
Something about that message both scared me and made me thankful at the
same time. It scared me because somewhere deep inside I knew the truth behind
that message. I was thankful because it seemed to have come at the right time.
Any earlier, it wouldn't have had an impact, any later would've been too late. <br />
<br />
It is then, that I embarked on a self realisation and improvement
journey. One by one, I began to undo old bad habits. I would challenge every
lazy bone inside me. I would drag myself to classes and enforced strict
disciple on myself with Riyaz. I chipped away at every aspect of my personality
that held me back, that threatened to destroy me, to make me incompetent and
mediocre. Every fear, every anxiety that held me back was not allowed to have
its way without a war inside, which I eventually started winning more often
than losing. Slowly and surely my Riyaz started getting more disciplined and
more focussed, I started treating myself and others more gently, becoming less
critical and more compassionate. I kept small targets and taught myself to
celebrate small successes. I started taking every big task just by the day and
sometimes by the hour.<br />
<br />
Over time, I realised it actually just takes small bits and chips done
every day with commitment and discipline to build anything big. When i
think about this even on hindsight, it seems to prove true. Even though i had
done it unknowingly, the fact that I had kept music going despite not giving it
active attention has over the years made a huge difference to my musical
ability and I feel reflects in my music today. Big things actually start small.
Things like career, marriage, a home, a life seem like huge tasks But, it is
chipping away with active persistence, diligence at the small things every day,
along with an ability to be patient and compassionate that can take us miles
and help us climb very high.<br />
<br />
I started realising that I was beginning to have what people will define
today as a successful life. And it all seemed to happen relatively
effortlessly. A career that I am passionate about, a happy marriage, a
wonderful relationship with my parents and in laws to name a few. The funny
thing is that I realise. is that things seem to happen when you're busy not
focussing on the outcome.....it's quite amazing how deeply powerful the words
in bhagavat gita are '<b><i>karmanye vadhika raste ma phaleshu kadachana</i></b>'
translating to' one has right only over one's efforts not over its fruits'.<br />
<br />
When one understands this fully and from the heart one begins to shift focus
from desire for a particular type of outcome. He or she learns to just live in
the present, live by the day. He learns that fruits will come effortlessly if
the focus is on what has to be done. <br />
<br />
I've learnt an invaluable lesson thanks to that life changing message. For that
I'll be ever grateful to my guru. Making something out of one's life doesn't
have to be painful. It will certainly be effortful. But the trick in making it
as effortless as possible is to learn the art of doing small things little by
little , day by day and learning the art of celebrating.<br />
<br />
Great things I realised happen when... <br />
<br />
You're busy chipping away!</span></div>
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Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-49278265675936339162013-11-26T23:52:00.001-08:002013-11-26T23:52:28.858-08:00The Role of Pain (appeared in the Nov 2013 issue of 'Life Positive' a wellness magazine)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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The word pain is so all encompassing. When we hear the word
'Pain', it evokes in our minds a whole gamut of unpleasant associations, right
from physical pain to the poetic 'pain of living' , also referred to by some
poets and writers as 'existential angst'. Whatever the association we choose at
any point in time, it kindles in our minds and bodies, myriad uneasy
sensations. ‘Pain’ in any form, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>is
something we would rather do without. Something we avoid like the plague. And
yet, deep inside we know, it is a profound life reality we cannot wish away.<br />
<br />
Our first exposure to pain happens when, as infants, we feel hunger and thirst.
As we grow, pain morphs into subtler forms. The pain of losing parents'
attention to a sibling, losing a school competition, bewildering separation and
pain experienced after death of a grandparent, and many such. As we move along
into early adulthood, the confusing pain of separation from parents, asserting
itself as temper tantrums, rebelliousness and sexual curiosity, kicks in. Then,
the grueling pains of adult life start making their grand entry <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>with the anxiety of finding our first job or
starting our careers and surviving the pressures of competition and performance
to earn our living. For some people, pain could enter earlier, with having to
fend for ailing and poor parents or family. It could enter with having to deal
with more complex problems like abuse or rape. In some unfortunate
extreme cases, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>pain can unfairly hit
children in a manner that damages irreversibly, their ability to lead normal
lives. Aas life goes on, pain just keeps getting more and more complex and
sometimes comes in power packed doses leaving us feeling completely sapped and
drained not to mention defeated, singled out, alone, helpless and vulnerable. <br />
<br />
Most people deal with pain, either by trying their best to avoid it, and
if they cannot, by drowning it in disproportionate and crude forms of pleasure.
Unfortunately, these temporary solutions only bury pain. Buried pain festers
inside until much later, it regurgitates and surfaces, this time far more
difficult to deal with. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask alcoholics
anonymous or the ex drug addict whether their addiction truly helped them. Ask
people suffering from uncontrolled promiscuity whether they are deeply fulfilled
or happy. AllIn all these cases one thing is common, they have not dealt with
pain… not really. They have avoided it or tried to suppress it . We all have
this tendency! It is only a matter of degree that separates us.<br />
<br />
So how does one understand and come to terms with Pain? How does one make
peace with the effect it has on us? Do we go about trying to minimise it, or is
does the solution lie in trying to look at it differently? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let me explore the answer with some personal experiences.<br />
<br />
Pain has come to me in forms less severe than what I sometimes see around. But
since we are dealing with the nature of pain and not its intensity or form, I
will use my example. The way pain first came into my life is quite paradoxical.
I'll start by saying that till early adulthood, I could never recall instances
of having ever felt pain! It didn't strike me as strange till much later. It
was strange because it is impossible for a human being to not remember any
painful episodes from childhood or early adulthood. It is impossible, because
one cannot pass through life and get to adulthood without ever feeling the
pinch of some form of difficulty or the other. Growing up is always painful. So
why did I remember things differently? To find my answers I embarked on a quest.
I began with exploring my childhood. With my parents' help, I tried
to get colour of how my childhood was. I wanted to see if I had had a
particularly trouble-free childhood. But on digging, I realised that I had gone
through the typical pains of childhood, physically for sure, with measles,
mumps, typhoid and malaria doing their rounds interspersed with viral fevers
and flus. So there was definitely physical pain.<br />
What about emotional?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I did seem
to have been spared the pain of sibling difficulties being a single child but
other pains should've have been there. I went to a competitive school with a
lot of classmates and peers, so it can't have been without its share of downs.
My parents hailed from a typical middle-class economic background so there was
a restraint on the finances. We lived in a modest home with the usual banes of
middle class living. So, nothing there. My life seemed to have been a normal
one which must've meant normal pains of life and growing up. But why didn't I
remember feeling anything? <br />
<br />
The answer to this came to me much later in life. It was when marriage,
relocation and career change brought me to a point from where, the experience
of pain was to start presenting itself to me the very first time. (Do notice I
used the phrase 'experience of pain' rather than the word 'pain' itself). It
came in a bad way. I started to have severe bouts of anxiety and panic and
developed agoraphobia (an extreme fear of exposure to the outside world). My
life was looking dreary at that point. My career shattered and my health
ruined. With come external help and a steely determination <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to not allow my life to go down this path, I
began to put effort into understanding what I was going through. My
introspection and exploration led me to a gold mine! I came to understand that
my condition had occurred because of having avoided and turned away from the
healthy pains of growing up. A powerful understanding of our <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>reaction and response to pain dawned on me!<br />
<br />
Since pain in any form is unpleasant, we don't like it. We don't
welcome it and sometimes, like I realized was true in my case, we don't allow
ourselves to experience it or feel it. We live in denial of it and try and minimize
any event or circumstance that might bring us close to it. It then ends up
accumulating till when it piles up so much that you can't run away from it
anymore. This tendency to avert pain, even constructive pain is so common that
you don't have to go very far from home to find it.<br />
In my eagerness to understand this better, I started to observe people closely.
The more I looked, the more of this phenomenon I found.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It starts with simple
things. People know exercise is good for the body but don't want to take the
pain and effort to be healthy and end up with serious diseases later in life.
Diabetics would much rather take dessert followed by an extra dose of
medication rather than go through the effort and pain of restraint. People
would much rather hold on to their ego rather than pursue compassion or truth
because giving up one's ego is much too painful. Overgrown adults who live off
parents would much rather not face the pain of separation and independence.
We'd much rather follow the herd than give vent to our individuality because we
cannot risk the pain of judgment or rejection. <br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</div>
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Pain actually, I've come to realise, unpleasant as it might
be, usually masks an opportunity to grow.... in body, mind and spirit. It is an
opportunity to overcome those obstacles that actually stand in the way of us
finding a truly fulfilling and happy life. Even more serious forms of pain that
visit us uninvited like a sickness, financial difficulty or emotional loss
usually leave us wiser, humbled and thankful. We've heard copious stories of
people who've come back from near-death experiences, more capable of genuinely
living life than others. Peace, contentment and happiness cannot be found in
the absence of pain . It is in fact learnt through pain. In facing, dealing
with and learning from pain we become stronger, resilient, independent and
creative. We become compassionate and centered and most importantly, happy!<br />
<br />
We must start with, accepting and feeling pain when it enters our lives. Then,
keenly observe what it does. What feelings does it evoke? Anger, resentment,
envy, helplessness or vulnerability? What is our pattern of dealing with these
feelings when they surface? Do we use a subordinate, spouse or maid as a pin
cushion or a projecting screen? How does our self image change when we face
pain? Do we see ourselves as weak, cowardly and helpless or do we hide
behind a facade of perfection . Do we become hyper critical or cynical? .....
The important thing through this process is not to judge but just observe and
develop awareness. When we are aware, we are creating a filter between our
feelings and ourselves and also between our feelings and our actions.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
As we become progressively <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>more aware,
we become more empowered and less helpless. We find the strength to use the
objective part of our minds to find the best solution possible and we also
develop the ability to feel a sense of control and stoic calm through the pain.
As we achieve all this, slowly and surely, we start to see that our personality
has gained new facets.... Strength, resilience, self control, will power,
gratitude, humor, compassion and discipline. All, ingredients we need in
ourselves, to build a happy contented life. <br />
<br />
The take away from all this is not to solicit pain and condone oneself to a
masochistic existence. But nevertheless, learning to welcome pain when it comes
and knowing in our hearts, that experiencing it will leave us better off than
before, is a skill we will definitely benefit from cultivating. <br />
<br />
The role of pain is to teach, to instruct to train our body, mind and spirit to
live fuller, live better and live richer</div>
</div>
Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-31503408657044378312013-07-21T11:22:00.002-07:002013-07-21T11:22:19.915-07:00Working with reality – From disillusionment to enlightenment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Albert Einstein, one of the greatest physicists the world
has ever known, contributed immensely to his field with the Theory of Relativity.
But his contribution was not just in the field of physics. His work opened up
the possibility of being able to understand the universe and its reality in a
multi dimensional way. By this, I mean, that his work on time and space has
reminded us that somewhere, physics, spirituality and in fact most other streams
of learning, actually merge at some point. It is no surprise that a lot of the
world’s greats were polymaths, people with multidimensional intelligences.
People whose brains knew what the universe already does…. That everything is
one and from one everything is born. Leonardo Da Vinci was a painter, engineer,
mathematician and musician all rolled into one. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Michelangelo, Galileo Galilei, Benjamin Franklin,
Isaac Newton are some other polymaths.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We find it fascinating to read and learn about the work of greats
in the science of reality. But we have considerable trouble handling reality
when we encounter it in our individual lives.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sumita (Name changed) , a girl I know, describes her life as
traumatic. She complains that men with severe emotional disabilities seem to
enter her life with unerring consistency. She complains that whenever she feels
things starting to go well with someone, that person starts to show signs of
emotional instability and the relationship eventually comes to an end. As a
person well into her thirties and looking to find a life partner, she feels
life is being unfair to her. Since I know Sumita reasonably well, I once took
the opportunity to dig further to find out what could be going wrong. As I kept
exploring, I came to see a pattern in her narration of her life in general and
more specifically her personal life. I came to realize that Sumita, believed
genuinely in her heart that she didn’t deserve good things. In some sense, she
WANTED life to be unfair to her because that’s what she thought she deserved.
Her view of the world was a place which treated her the way she deeply believed
she deserved. But understandably her intellectual, logical mind kept looking at
events as unfair. A person who holds this world view as ‘real’ could be perpetuating
a pattern of events. It is very possible that she feels attracted only to
people her intuition identifies as unstable and goes on to start something
which has no future; only for it to end in the manner that validates her self-image
as an undeserving person.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another lady I know believes fervently in her heart that the
world can do no bad and everyone, including one’s apparent enemies are warm,
loving, guileless and forgiving people. Even if spite, malice and hatred stare
her in the face, she refuses to believe it. She has a blind side to the darker aspects
of human nature. While this may seem like an endearing quality on first glance,
what it does, is create a person constantly pandering to others and trying to
keep peace. A person who gives benefit of doubt to the other, even when grossly
undeserved and has no capacity to hold her own. A simplistic and highly
erroneous view of the world was the only thing tolerable for her. Her world
view was a fairytale one, with no space for reality. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These are just two examples of how people choose their reality,
and how sometimes this web of reality woven by them traps them in a regressed
state… a place from where there is no path to growth. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Reality is something we struggle with all our lives because
let’s call a spade a spade …. Facing reality is unpleasant. One would think I’m
alluding only to the painful nature of reality. But what I am referring to, is
the difficulty in seeing a reality different from one we want to believe in,
regardless of its nature or quality. This happens for a reason. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all develop a paradigm for leading our lives. We begin
developing this paradigm right from childhood slowly and surely. And by the
time we hit our thirties, our paradigm is more or less set, like hardened clay.
We may allow some changes as life moves on but largely, patterns of response
remain the same, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>except of course in
cases where life has forced a jolt upon us. These responses are both emotional
and physical…. and largely become unconscious as they set more and more with
practice. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Raman (name changed), I man I’ve known for many years has a
certain pattern of response to all sales representatives who land up at his
door step. He first invites them in and offers them tea. After listening to
them flatteringly for sometime, he starts engaging them in a debate which
quickly turns into an argument. The conversation becomes unpleasant within
minutes . He ends all these meeting with hurling accusations, often alluding to
their ‘dubious’ intentions… always suspecting cheat and deceit. It may well be
true that there are many cheats out there looking to con an innocent buyer.
But, the point I’m trying to make here, is that Raman is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">convinced</i> that this is going to be the case <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everytime</i>. He extends this view to many other people and situations.
Raman’s world view is one that has to be, for some reason, tainted with a negative
brush.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To him, no one can be trusted and
everyone is deceitful. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The realities these people have chosen for themselves,
albeit unconsciously, are so comfortably nestled in their hearts and minds that
an alternate reality, even if it is a happier one, would be unpleasant for them
to accept. Our paradigms were built because they worked for us at certain points
in time. But we continue to take that map forward into our lives and apply the
same model to most life situations. The problems with this approach are
obvious. If we were to continue to believe that our world works for us the same
way it did when we were children or even 5 years ago, or if we don’t incorporate
real changes in our life experiences into our paradigms, we are essentially
attempting to push a square plug into a round socket. The result is frustration
and a feeling of failure at things going wrong all the time, everywhere. The
sad thing though is, people whose paradigms have failed, hold on even more tenaciously
to their faulty model because they somehow twist this new reality of failure to
fit their old paradigm. The bitter man believes that the world is a bitter
place, spreads bitterness back, receives bitterness in return, which reinforces
his view of a bitter world and he turns even more bitter. The perpetuating
cycle starts all over again.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unlike science, there may not be a fully objective reality
for our individual selves to learn and believe in. Our unique lives require us
to construct our own unique realities. But still, we must remember that we are
prone to incorporating some misplaced, unreal and therefore unstable components
when we build our life model.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For example, Raman could do well to know that while some
sales people may be deceitful, it is possible to meet an honest salesman who
sells a good product that may end up being something he needs. Sumita could try
to see how unreal it is to believe, that everyone out there is emotionally
stunted. It is a good statistical probability that there may be many well
turned out and emotionally stable men who could be consideration worthy. The
naïvely optimistic lady, who believes there is only good in the world, could do
with knowing that all human beings are a mix of light and dark. A survival
instinct and fighting spirit may actually be required sometimes to exist amid
society and peers. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Having said this, changing our internal reality is a job far
easier said than done. Sometimes, our desire and need to hold on to our
realities is so intense, that it may come in the way of this process.
Nevertheless, when we start to work at first challenging our current reality we
begin the work of healthy disillusionment. We begin to realize what is unreal
in our picture and begin to replace it with more realistic strokes. As we begin
to paint a new picture for ourselves we start to see it changing hues. It may
start to become a more complex painting, with colors ranging from the lilacs
and pinks of cheer and happiness to the dark burgundy of malice and evil with various
other shades in the middle depicting every nuance of the mind boggling reality
that life is. Yes, the painting does begin to look less simple, but it begins
to look richer.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As we keep refining our understanding of our individual
realities on our spiritual growth path, we begin to see a method of working with
our lives in a very concrete and real way…. without escaping from it or viewing
it through a broken glass. As we work with realities we would’ve been afraid to
see earlier, we begin to feel a sense of living life fully. An ability to
experience all shades of our life’s events in their unadulterated form, gives
us a complete experience. And then, somewhere in the complex painting of different
hues, we will find our color of bliss… a color born not out of delusion but out
of dipping ourselves and getting wet in the ocean of life’s palette.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-62401356317298354452013-07-03T22:48:00.001-07:002013-07-03T22:48:10.072-07:00A song a day...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
Just shut your eyes for a brief moment and imagine the world without
music. I'm trying it as I write this and I'm unable to! Or rather, the
experience , even if I manage it, is of extreme debilitation, of feeling
crippled by blindness or by the loss of some such primary sense organ.
Not surprising at all, on hindsight. Music is after all what life is
really made of , if you look at it a certain way. Even if we're not
actually engaging in listening to, singing or playing music it is still
there- an all pervasive, awesome yet gentle force driving everything in
this world.<br />
<br />
Music can be defined as sound that is made of vibrations
that are regular. These vibrations have a cyclical quality repeating a
pattern in regular intervals creating a specific 'pitch' or frequency,
the stuff music is made of. Well, if we were to use this definition and
expand our minds we can see the all pervasiveness I referred to
earlier.... Let's list just some of the many things in our life that are
cyclical, regular and have a rhythm.... Day and night, the cycle of
seasons, the waxing and waning of the moon, a woman's period cycle, the
circle of birth, ageing and death that repeats with unerring precision
to every single being on earth..... The list can go on.<br />
<br />
To be honest I
have had for a long time, till recently, a pretty linear notion of
things. The belief that things usually don't go deeper or wider than
they seem and most things can be explained with a simple set of logical
rules! As life kept unfolding, I began to see how ridiculous I had been
all the while. The world, life and its components began to seem far to
complex and layered for my mind to be able to make sense. Death pervaded
my otherwise cocooned existence with seeing some family members pass
away. I saw suffering of so many kinds.. emotional, mental and physical. I
saw chaos everywhere, in places and situations where I would've
otherwise forced myself to see order. I saw loss and pain. I saw people
in close circles go through financial distress. People I knew lost their
children to accidents and suicide. There was pain in so many other
forms less obvious and dramatic but no less traumatic.I myself went
through phases when I suffered intense panic attacks and developed an
eating disorder. But, along with this distressing disillusionment came
also a 'sense' of something deeper at play. And increasingly I took to
reading about people's views and experiences with spirituality. I also
renewed my passion for music and finally a genuinely fulfilling career
started to seem possible.<br />
<br />
Music was something I had been learning from
my childhood but never took seriously enough. During the process of
unlearning my old understanding of the world and learning a new one, I
started to observe some striking patterns. Something that linked music
to almost everything. I mean this in both a loose sense and a strict
one. The former, I noticed in small everyday things. Almost everything
that I found reasonably pleasant or acceptable to my ear from everyday
sounds were actually musical. The mellow hum of an airconditioner, the
rhythmic rattle of a ceiling fan, the almost lullaby-like beat of the
heart when there is complete silence. The more profound stuff came to my
mind in slow but dramatic revelations.<br />
I'll start with health. I found
actually that I fell sick whenever my body 'cycle' went out of 'rhythm'.
My body had to follow rhythmic, almost musical regularity with sleep,
food and exercise for it to remain fit. Any disruptions were
'discordant' with my body and whenever my body would go out of 'sync'
with my routine, I would become unwell. Exercise, something that is good for
the body I found, was all about rhythm... The steady pace kept on the
treadmill, the rhythmic movement during abdominal crunches, the tempo
kept up during aerobic exercises. Then I started to look deeper and
realised that our body is actually a musical machine! Everything is
about rhythm.... The heart, digestion, sleep, sexual intercourse, bowel
movements, walking etc etc!!<br />
Now how about
the cycle of life itself? A repeating pattern with every
single living thing on earth? A being is born, it grows to maturity,
reproduces, ages and dies. As humans we celebrate such events in our
life and have rites of passage. Our birth, growing up into
adulthood(spearation from parent),
marriage(mating), having kids(reproduction), retirement, growing old and
our death. Whenever anyone doesn't go through these phases fully or has
trouble with a phase the person faces emotional and mental
dissonance . As much as we may think that we have managed to break free
from this mundane, rather monotonous course, we do suffer when there is
an
anomaly or a discord. I can see rhythm, music and pattern now in almost
all things wholesome and beautiful in life which leads me to contemplate
the ever elusive answer to the question 'Why is music what it is? Why
does it move us so? '<br />
I understand now that music is too primal,
too
basic a component of existence for us to ignore. It certainly must be
one of the
building blocks of creation, of divinity, of god! And it is through
music, I believe, that we are able to experience the divine
effortlessly. Then came the curious question, if music is a slice of
god, can music heal? Yes it is increasingly being believed so. Music
therapy is a fast growing field. But the more profound question in my
mind was, 'Can music heal us spiritually? in a way only a miracle or god
can?'<br />
When we heal
spiritually, we heal in all ways..... Intellectually, mentally,
emotionally, physically. Could this therefore be the master key? A key
accessible to everyone, at all times without external help. This quest
has led me to have a strong hunch that it can! And I think I know when a
hunch comes from deep within, like a knowing that has always been there but
has come to the mind anew.<br />
<br />
Hmmm this is as far as I've reached in my
quest. For now I sing a song a day... A small encounter with god
everyday. Hopefully one day it will lead me to answers that I seek,
answers that may have an impact on human evolution and growth like never
before!<br />
<br />
A song a day.....</div>
Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-76209456291420094062013-07-03T22:36:00.001-07:002013-07-03T22:36:05.553-07:00A simple question <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<h3 class="post-title">
</h3>
<div class="post-body">
<div>
Just wondering where truth lies....in the heart or in the mind ?....<br /><br />Consider these:<br /><br />Is the mind truer when you know that a brain dead person can't even recognise his loved ones.<br /><br />Is the heart truer when out of true faith a mother is able to bring her child back to life from a near fatal disease.<br /><br />Is
the mind truer when the more intelligent / clever /street smart guy
gets the job when the guy with passion is languishing in poverty.<br /><br />Is the heart truer when a man who doesn't know to swin survives the Tsunami out of sheer will to live.<br /><br />Is the ability to love limited by how much we can think? Or is it the other way round?<br /><br />Life forces me to debate this.... wondering if anyone has found answers....
</div>
</div>
</div>
Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-22452241888110768822013-07-03T22:35:00.001-07:002013-07-03T22:35:16.871-07:00With every dip ... (A Poem)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<h3 class="post-title">
</h3>
<div class="post-body">
<div>
My first dip when I knew hunger for the first time, and a loving breast was offered to me in solace,<br /><br />My second dip when I tried to walk, and learnt how to fall and how not to,<br /><br />My third dip when I knew I wasn't the only one making dips,<br /><br />My fourth dip when I knew that when someone smiled it wasn't necessarily because they were happy,<br /><br />My fifth dip when I knew everything is not necessarily in order and doesn't follow a pattern,<br /><br />My sixth dip when I knew love,<br /><br />My seventh dip when I knew what I thought was love was not,<br /><br />My eighth dip when I realised that dreams come true the hard way,<br /><br />My ninth dip when I knew that I could dream anyway,<br /><br />With every dip into the metaphorical ocean I emerge newer cleaner, wiser....<br /><br />How many more dips will it take to be a child again?
</div>
</div>
</div>
Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-21305626622105115962013-07-03T22:34:00.002-07:002013-07-03T22:34:47.347-07:00 A wasted tear ... (A poem)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br /><div class="post-body">
<div>
I shed a tear...</div>
<div>
<br />For someone far in a country unknown,<br />For someone near and known,<br />For those orphaned in disasters,<br />For those crippled beggars,<br /><br />For people who live life like a lie,<br />For people who suffer the truth,<br />For the lonely dog on the road without food,<br />For the lonely rich man without peace,<br /><br />For those dreams that go unfulfilled,<br />In you and in me,<br />For a lifetime spent on lost causes,<br />For a lifetime spent in but temporal pleasures,<br />For a lifetime spent in spiritual deterioration,<br />For a lifetime spent in ignorance,<br /><br />For a person I could’ve helped,<br />For those I couldn’t have,<br />For all that I could’ve done but didn’t<br />For all that the world can do but doesn’t<br /><br />I shed a tear….<br />A Wasted tear….
</div>
</div>
</div>
Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-10127678759224110122013-07-03T22:30:00.001-07:002013-07-03T22:45:33.034-07:00Tolle kya bole! <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<h3 class="post-title">
</h3>
A few bad years at my first ad agency followed by a several months at the second, if
not anything else made me,.. guess what? ..... Read!! Surprising (as
much to me as to people who know me) coz i have always considered myself
extremely averse to the printed word. Somehow i was never able to
comprehend how people found reading newspapers easier than watching TV.
TV gives you double the information in half the time! Infact TV
watching, I thought, has its value adds, what with lovely models and
great food and clothes as treats for every sense.Also, TV gives you
those well needed breaks from all the disarry and chaos reported by the
'dressed for the occasion' Roys and Sardesais.<br />
<br />
But the turning
point came, and it came with a big bang into my life! Stints with 2
leading ad firms and exposure to some of the best brands in the country
had left me with, well... a bruised sense of self, loads of stressed out
nerves and a strong will to NEVER enter advertising again. You must be
wondering what all this has got to do with reading. well the story goes
like this....<br />
<br />
It had been my second attempt at trying to do the
most sensible thing after a Masters in Communication and having worked
for 2 1/2 years in a leading ad firm... I joined Orchard with the hope
that things would change and i would this time try and successfully make
it as a 'client services' executive. After all , I thought, those
lovely formal blazers, client meetings and the air of borrowed
importance can't be without some meaning. In addition i knew i had it in
me to think of great ideas and just knew i would become the next female
Santosh Desai in a couple of years. Just 6 months later i found myself
walking back dejectedly to the pavillion (in this case back home)
cursing advertising. Guess there is a thin line between making a mistake
and being foolish a second time.<br />
<br />
6 months in orchard and there i
was, having these vague early morning blues (not just monday but 7 days
of the week) yet again. I also had some value adds from my job...
insomnia, perennial nervousness, chewed and bleeding nails and worst of
all complete loss of Nithya tke original creative confident gal (:-D
ahem!). <br />
<br />
It was the day i put in my papers that i decided to do
something i had never done earlier ..... visit a book shop!! just days
before, i was one the the few people who literally scorned the over-read
over- informed class... whats the big deal with books anyway....just a
bunch of frustrated idiots writing loads of nonsense to make a living.
And there i was.. at the odyssey book store looking for... err....
actually i didn't know what, but had this hunch i would find it among
the balderdash written by those very same 'frustrated idiots'.<br />
i
guess it was that day that I made an honest effort to find answers to
questions about life... questions , that were all children of my failure
- failure in trying to be like someone, failure in trying to 'make it
big'...to be 'rich'.... to be 'successful'. <br />
Intuitively (Don't know
whether such a thing as intuition does exist at all but that day it
seemed to for me) somehow within minutes after entering the shop i
chanced upon a book by Robin Sharma "Discover your destiny".... its a
rather run of the mill book , to be honest, for someone who has read
enough of philosophy and self improvement but at that point in time i
guess it shouted out to me ....a starting point in my quest for answers,
i thought .... "Why do we do what we hate when we know we have a
choice"... "How is it that everyday people lie... and don't even know
it"...,"How is it that we follow the same society that we condemn"...
"How is it that we love compliments even when we know the guy who is
saying it doesn't mean a word of it?".....<br />
That day was a day of
enlightenment... enlightenment to the fact that i had lots to unlearn
and lots to learn.. As is often said; suffering/pain/setbacks are
mothers of philosophy and spirituality.... at least thats how it was for
me (though i knew that what i was facing was nothing compared to
millions out there , who have bigger, more serious life problems).That
day i realised that there was a deep void in my life . I was leading
life like a zombie. There i was, having just quit the only job i knew...
the only thing i had studied and done internships for, the only thing
that had made me 'independent'. (such an irony isn't it?.. that it was
AFTER i quit my job i realised, that true independence comes from being
able to be completely yourself and pure; irrespective of changes in
one's life).<br />
But funnily i was happy... in a peaceful sort of way..
as if i had removed some unwanted layers and a heavy burden off my
life... i felt light as a feather and innocent as a child..<br />
<br />
In
the following couple of weeks, i started to live life from the start...
Somehow for the first time I realised, that one needs to have a strong
sense of philosophy and purpose in life to be able to be truly peaceful
and successful.... Its more than just a happy (or unhappy) job / family /
friends that one needs in order to see sense in the nonsense of this
world.<br />
<br />
I realised at that point , that i was better off than all
those people around me who were carrying on cushy jobs, but were
actually in a state of trance... a state of darkness... a state they'll
probably snap out of, only in their death bed. And wake up to ask
questions like 'what have i done with my life?".<br />
<br />
Anyway, that day
was the day my friendship with books started... i read many of them ..
mostly philosophy and psychology. some really good ones like the monk
who sold his ferrari, siddhartha, alchemist, the power of now, notes to
myself etc. I realised a few very important things that i would like you
also to know... if not anything else atleast as food for thought... <br />
<br />
1.
Never underestimate the direction your deeper self gives you. Most of
us have a voice telling us about our dreams, what we should be doing,
how to be etc but in all the noise of the world we somehow lose
ourselves... LISTEN to that voice!!<br />
<br />
2. Never do anything just to prove. if anything do it just to be a better you.<br />
<br />
3.
Quoting Prather "there is no best in a world of individuals"... somehow
i don't understand why people are so dependent on others as benchmarks
to lead their life... isn't it shameful that we don't respect our own
sense of direction enough?<br />
<br />
4. Nothing is more important in life
than to experience it. Not money not power not status ... NOTHING... the
only thing one will ever regret is not having seen enough or done
enough...<br />
<br />
5. Try and love even your enemies(sounds gandhian but
will risk the cliche')... you know they're not so bad... youve been
worse at times!<br />
<br />
6. NEVER do anything to abuse your physical or mental health. Do what youre good at and what suits you. <br />
<br />
7. Be genuine and say only what you mean. <br />
<br />
8. And most of all..... LIVE IN THE MOMENT<br />
<br />
<br />
I
just can't tell you how important that last point is.. this is an
important take out from a book by a person called eckhart tolle. somehow
living the moment brings a lot of peace and appreciation to life. i
can't believe i turned from a nervous wreck to an internally clear and
tranquil person within days after i tried this. <br />
<br />
At the end of
the day i realised, that what gives a person enormous peace is the
presence of what i call an internal compass; that gives directions...
The fact is that everyone has a compass... The difference between
someone who looks for peace and someone caught in the maze, i guess, is
that the latter just keeps telling the compass to shut up and the former
comes to realise that the world actually lies within and not outside
and cares to LISTEN to his compass.<br />
<br />
Wondering why my blog is
titled.. 'Tolle kya bole!' ? Well what do you expect an ex advertising
exec to do... sell a product with headline that has almost nothing to do
with it!! :-) <br />
<br />
cheers! <br />
<br />
And sorry if i ended up sounding like a spiritual guru... was not intended!! :-)</div>
Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-54942729163830716672013-07-03T22:21:00.001-07:002013-07-03T22:21:03.973-07:00True poetry .. (A poem)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I am here reading your thoughts,<br />I am in awe<br /><br />So much talent, so many experiences,<br />I live many lives in this hour,<br />I wonder whether with all my senses,<br />As a poet, will I ever come this far?<br /><br />But...<br />To all the people ahead of me in life,<br />People who know more and say more,<br />Have you ever wondered whether poets and writers,<br />Are really just one in four?<br /><br />In those millions who see the gravity and lightness,<br />In the myriad reality of their life experiences,<br />I see poetry in its truest form<br /><br />In every moment of living,<br />In everything and in every being,<br />Hidden, is a poem,<br /><br />And so my friend while honing the beauty in your written verse,<br />Do realise the beauty in people who reherse,<br />To express the very same thing as beautifully as you do,<br /><br />Drawing from their deeper delving into life,<br />From all the worry laughter and strife,<br />That makes you and them one...<br /><br />An honest voice to be heard, an honest story to be told,<br />Is what makes poetry worth its measure in gold!
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Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-89393643937024058132013-07-03T22:19:00.002-07:002013-07-03T22:19:54.801-07:0086 going on 25 <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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(Dear readers, this blog was written a few years before my grandfather passed away)</div>
<div>
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<div>
This piece is dedicated to my grand dad (86) who has never failed
to amaze and insipre me. I have often wondered how it feels to be 86……to
know that you have at best a few years left in front of you. To know
that Yamraj is fast catching up with you and that he is giving you
strong hints about his next move.... the failing physical strength, the
failing eyesight, the wobbly walk....<br /><br />My grandad is actually a
fairly healthy man at 86. He has no serious health problems like most of
his counterpart octogenarians. He just shows normal signs of ageing.
But thats not just a coincidence. Thats exactly the reason I am
dedicating this blog to him! He is probably the only person I have met
who has genuinely combated age ... in a mental psychological sense!
Actually in every sense! This man is truly remarkable! He still takes
immense pleasure in watching the WWF wresting matches.... (The
Undertaker... his fav hero) , loves to track the stock market , thrives
on discussing burning economic, political , social and cultural
issues…loves travelling even at this age, particularly to the hills..
all this, besides a passion for carnatic music, afternoon soaps on TV,
his evening whiskey, buying new gadgets for his loving wife and of
course his constant fight against age.. Yes! he loves the fight... loves
to keep himself fit and healthy... goes for regular walks... loves to
have vitamins, fruits and veggies... keeps to a regular eating
schedule... WOW.... Wonder whether i can manage all this when I am 86
(rather IF I become 86!)<br /><br />Most of the ‘70 and above’ people i have
met have shown signs not only of physical ageing but also of a
'failure' attitude to life... more than the physical troubles , the
setting in of a 'give up' mode is what seems to be charecteristic. "What
to do... my age is such!"… "Won't make a difference even if i go to the
doc for that knee pain... anyway my end is nearing"..... typical
statements one hears. I guess, the fact that they are above 70 looms
large and threatens everything they dare to do or think. Sometimes I
feel it really might help to make these people believe (through some
breakthrough psychiatry technique) that they are actually not seventy
but just 45 and see what happens.... I have a strong hunch that the
attitude will change dramatically..<br /><br />Anyway coming back to my
grand dad... there are pearls of wisdom he has imparted to all those who
have been curious to know the secret of his vitality and will to
live.... including me . And sure enough I found what he said extremely
inspiring. In fact it has made me realise that its a shame to compain
about anything at 26 when you have someone like him around... Seriously!
Conversations with him have both inspired me and put me to shame.<br /><br />Some intersting guidelines to life (courtesy Mr. N. Krishnamoorthy) from the many conversations I have had with him:<br /><br />1.
Age is truly in the mind.... you think youre old and ailing and no one
is helping you? …. Then you most definitely are and no one will! So
think young and be completely dependent but only on yourself.<br /><br />2. Almost all physical ailments stem from a conscious or subconscious mental state. So watch out for what you think.<br /><br />3.
Never make people your occupation after a certain age. It is certain to
depress you and youre always going to feel people don't care enough and
do enough. (even if thats not true)<br /><br />4. Keep healthy. Eat at
regular hours... and eat healthy. If you have an ailment take care.
Don't give up and say "I am already at the dead end of life so what the
heck. That extra sweet is not going to make me any sicker than I am
now".<br /><br />5. Always be positively occupied.. read a lot and never stop learning. The desire to learn is the strongest motivation to live.<br /><br />6.
The most important lesson in life is to be able to be accepting of life
in all its glory and 'un'- glory. Life is never good or bad. Its just a
bunch of experiences that you keep learning from. Enjoy the journey.<br /><br />7.
Love what you do and do what you love. This is true right from the
smallest things you do in your day to the biggest things you do in life.
It applies to people of all ages.<br /><br />8. Have no regrets. Don't miss
doing or not doing anything that you might regret on your deathbed.
Take risks. A man who doesn't take risks will never see life in its full
splendour. Actually you can't call anything a risk. No matter what you
lose, a lesson is always there to learn.<br />9. Don't make any problem the centre of your attention. No problem deserves it.<br /><br />10.
Make lots of friends and acquaintances. Speak to every person you meet,
with earnestness. You have things to learn even from your grocery
walla.<br /><br />11. Live life in moderation with respect to food and emotions... extremes of both are bad.<br /><br />12.
Keep your promises and don't make any if you know you can't keep them.
Do as much good as you can to people in need.. even from a practical
standpoint you never know when you’ll need them.<br /><br />13 And play the game of life as a participant not as a contestant. That way you'll never lose.<br /><br />Well.....
the years I have spent talking to my grandad has truly insipred me. I
can see from his example that the most powerful influence in your life
is you and no one and nothing else. Simple but profound isn't it?<br /><br />Reminds me of a quote by Will Smith in the latest RD:<br /><br />"Too
many people spend the money they haven't earned, to buy things they
don't want, to impress people they don't like" ... :) :) :)
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Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-75864059506336575922013-07-03T22:16:00.002-07:002013-07-03T22:16:26.832-07:00Summer<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />The febrile body that sets mercury rising, <br /><br />The heat that sets lovers on fire, <br /><br />The steam behind a heated pursuit, <br /><br /> <br /><br />The crimson heat of jealousy, <br /><br />The flaring rage of anger, <br /><br />The fire of dynamism, <br /><br /> <br /><br />Simmering fears deep within, <br /><br />The golden dawn of hope, <br /><br />The warmth of a loved one, <br /><br /> <br /><br />The internal fire ..... destined to burn to ashes one day... <br /><br />Ah ....The heat of summer is but a cinch to bear...
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Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-809709594205140322013-07-03T22:15:00.001-07:002013-07-03T22:15:41.576-07:00Ghost... (A Poem)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Ghost
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I laugh I smile I cry <br />I yell I plead I scream <br />I sing I dance I write<br />I hug I kiss I pamper<br />I run I hide <br />I love I hate <br />I desire I abhor <br />I envy I covet<br /><br />I see I hear I smell I taste<br />I feel I think I act <br />I learn....<br /><br />I am alive... and possessed!! ... by a ghost called life
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Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-42888255801249731572013-07-03T22:14:00.003-07:002013-07-03T22:14:38.526-07:00We're Alone <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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The more independent we become the more we grow.. i am not talking
merely to indicate material / financial independence. I am talking
about independence in thought, in action, in creativity , in emotions,
in feeling and in all decisions we take at every step in our daily
lives. Its funny that when i read what i have just written i have the
urge to say ... so whats so great? I am already independent. But true
independence is the stuff that madness , genius , greatness and
creativity is made of. In my opinion i would call myself truely
independent and truly on the path of growth when,<br /><br />.... I hear a
man on the road say something unpleasant to me and it doesn't bother me
(not reacting is not independence, being truly not bothered is)<br /><br />....I
hear a loved one reprimand me and judge me and that doesn't hurt.
Instead i take it for what its worth and continue to be true to myself
and who i am.<br /><br />.... I push to sell only things that i truly believe in and do only that work that truly inspires and involves me.<br /><br />....
I don't complain if I realise a certain weakness in me. Instead i
accept it as a part of me and move on to experiment with personal change
rather than tell myself that it needs to be 'corrected'.<br /><br />....When
even the most eccentric person on earth doesn't shock me...because of
the realisation that if all of us were our instinctive selves we would
be eccentric too.<br /><br />....Something feels right and i have the
conviction to act on it even if 100 others say its wrong and even if in
the end i know i might be wrong.<br /><br />....Ask for opinions only when i know i can take it with equanimity.<br /><br />.....When I show true commitment only to myself.<br /><br />.....When
I know i can never do something to earn anyone's respect or gain
'status'. Put simply the day when I know that the only person i need
respect, approval and appeciation from is me.<br /><br />.... The day learn to love even people that we strongly disagree with.<br /><br />..... The day i realise that while we are one and connected at one level we are also alone and independent in another. <br /><br />.... the day i can never feel jealous or envious because i know there is no place i'd rather be than where i am now.<br /><br />Today i promise to myself an attempt at true independence and growth.
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Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-68955251711776347052013-07-03T22:13:00.001-07:002013-07-03T22:13:26.124-07:00Feels nice ... Like never before <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Today, the sky takes on a hue like never before,<br />
Sun pouring its rays generously through the windows,<br />
The sound of family banter, cacophonic, yet soothing in a strange way,<br />
The smell of fresh rice, and soup boiling in the kitchen,<br />
<br />
Images lying on my bed, all works of art as seen through my mind's eye...captured by my inanimate confidante..<br />
The next surge of creativity dormant in my heart<br />
waiting for a spark to bring it to life...<br />
<br />
A book of wisdom lies open to my view on my table,<br />
offering me invisible wealth with every page...<br />
A member of my past, no more a co-worker... <br />
makes a courtesy call... talking of 'new' stories of sweat and survival...<br />
"hmm Just history repeating... " , I muse<br />
.. his words reminding me of a past cherished but not desired again..<br />
<br />
A lovely piece of article on my email ...a speech by a wise man far away who has seen what I yearn to ... <br />
as if god sent, to endorse my every thought, every move.... <br />
My blog looking back at me from the screen, with nuggets stained with all colours of human thought and emotion, ... <br />
<br />
Caught a glimpse of the new me in my mind's mirror ... <br />
This clay moulded into a new form today, after what seems like eons but is not..<br />
Now eagerly waiting for another rebirth...and another..<br />
<br />
Yesterday is passe'<br />Tomorrow will bring something different<br /><br />But today, this moment, feels nice ... like never before
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Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-43082244344700108582013-07-03T22:12:00.001-07:002013-07-03T22:12:02.271-07:00Freedom ... (A poem)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Freedom
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Elusive and coveted,<br />Desired and cherished, <br />Waiting for supression, unhappiness and helplessness to invite..<br />Often taking the form of a cold shower of realisation,<br />when its already too late..<br /><br />Tis irony supreme isn't it? <br />That source and destination, cause and effect, dependence and independence...... and FREEDOM!..<br />Lie encompassed within one being,<br />But a lifetime is spent, blinded, in search of answers..<br /><br />Wonder what name the world has, for someone searching the world,<br />for what lies within....
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Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-34457629709131038752013-07-03T22:11:00.001-07:002013-07-03T22:11:23.024-07:00Dry ... (A Poem)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Dry
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Leaves aplenty, flowers galore,<br />Mongrels and the like dance in it<br /><br />The rap tap of the genorous gift of nature<br />Tears of the sky pouring through the invisible roof<br />Nourishing the living and bringing the dying alive,<br /><br />Everything seems to be soaked<br />Even the tar pathways, the cement <br />the four legged charriots, the mortar<br /><br />All .. except the imposter creator himself<br />housed in his own cheap imitations of the original...dry<br /><br />Blissfully unaware of, or maybe in shame... <br />in front of the brilliance of nature's craft
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Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1792247933946367948.post-24547355611672929342013-07-03T22:04:00.001-07:002013-07-03T22:04:50.893-07:00Amoeba <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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hmmmm .... a flurry of thoughts in my mind... most of them blurry
subconscious images and feelings... its almost like there is a parallel
universe inside me which is living a fuller more energetic life. I need
to quiten down to hear the noises inside. What a racket! ... cacophonic
and confused ... guess these guys will find their air time later tonight
in my dreams when they get to play fierce creatures or a lonely road or
Amitabh Bacchan morphing into my mum! .... Freud earned his living I
guess, from trying to comprehend this, like a snake charmer who tries
with his music to understand the unpredictable ways of a serpent...
wonder if any charmer has managed it successfully.<br /><br />I heard from
someone that by paying close attention to this backstage activity we can
actually get to know the real us! ... whoo! scary eh? ... Who knows
what we might end up finding! .. maybe a fearful cowardly rabbit running
from its predator (a leader like person we might know from work!) , or a
vengeful Hitleress in the guise of a kind social worker in real life,
or even a creative genius posing as a straight jacketed accountant
fending for his family and living a proper life.... Who knows! Who WANTS
to know? Hmm ..I don't know.<br /><br />I think there is countless times
more to a person than what meets our eye... and may be a zillion times
more to us that what meets our own eyes... I have come to believe that
humans are just amoeba.... they morph into people of a certain type
based on their circumstances and many other things .... and they keep
morphing till the end. Infact if someone comes up to me and asks me
reproachfully about something i said or did even a year back , I'm
tempted to say "Oops...wrong number.. That wasn't me" ... Really! ...
how many people that we have met feel they're exactly the same person as
they were years ago? ... no one... even if someone does claim so, I
would say he is married to an illusion of what he thinks he is and
probably wants himself to be.. and hes being loyal to his marriage. This
is one time when actually disloyalty might pay.<br /><br />I have come to
believe that it is this very nature of man that makes him so resilient..
so capable and so powerful. Sad that this resilience isn't exploited
unless called upon by some extreme event or calamity... And then he
gives another birth and feels new feels wise. And then he/she becomes
headlines, makes news and becomes your favorite spiritual leader next
door. The problem is that when such a thing happens its easy to think
that thats the end.... that one has reached eternity and salvation. From
this misconception comes the conviction that wise men you know and
revere, harness as a powerful means to hold people and 'guide' them to a
better life. A conviction so strong that its stagnant, like a rock ,
not absorbing futher change and further experiences and therefore futher
wisdom ... As they say in the movie 'incredibles'... One has to be a
'learning robot'<br /><br />So whats the big deal about this anyway.. Why
change? Why learn? Why explore?. Sometimes I'm tempted to be macro and
think 'We're all going to live and die like everyone else. Even a Gandhi
will be forgotten ... its a matter of time. So whats this huge hue and
cry about learning, changing and metamorphosising?" Simple .. Because
its fun!... Isn't it a bit mundane to do and live as expected of you? To
marry, have kids, have a job , get promoted and retire? these aren't
unimportant ... But I have a hunch these may not be enough. I an almost
see myself at 80 saying to myself "Sigh so all these years for just the
mundane?.. What a waste of a life.. Did i Enjoy? ... hmmm yeah kinda,
Life was 'decent', good, I guess lived and enjoyed as much as the
average person' ...But who wouldn't want more? There is only one that
seems to give me pleasure and meaning beyond everything else i know ,
without fail... knowlege! ....discovery, learning, exploring and
finding. Something that I can vaguely see taking me through to old age,
sickness and probably beyond. oops i better watch out! Have I stagnated
like a rock with this conclusion, probably refusing to believe alternate
theories? Probably. So lemme go back and throw all my beliefs out of
the window and see if there is something on the other side of my
thoughts... maybe my night time characters will have an answer. :)
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Nithyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10108893749818857284noreply@blogger.com0